Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
