Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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