Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize