I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
