how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
