Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
