i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
try to milk me bitch
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