I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
