I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
