he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
