I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
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