There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
