I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
