The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
