is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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