He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
two words...techno handjob
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
