everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
