I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
