coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
