i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I faked an abortion last night.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
