Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You ruined the universe
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
