I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All the doctor said was why
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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