I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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