I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
