i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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