shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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