I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
