Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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