Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
