chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i now understand why vodka
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize