this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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