I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
