I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Boobs are out for the taking
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize