Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize