Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
