omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
