Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No more Irish car bombs ever.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
