Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
