Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
