Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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