the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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