Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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