Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
