There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
