Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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