I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
