I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
