I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have fence marks all over my body
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
