so that wasnt chicken after all
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
