Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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