i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
