Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
