last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize