you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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