There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
