Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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