Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
