I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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