he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
