You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i believe in u and ur pee
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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