Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize