I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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