is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
