I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
