My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I could make wine with my vomit
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
