I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
