Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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