just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
